“Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers
The book can be summarized as “the only thing stopping you from doing things that you want to do and feel, are your fears about them. Recognise that you can “handle” the consequences of things that come your way. We can never not feel the fear – but we can choose to do it anyway. Work hard at positive affirmations, saying yes, taking action.”.
- What are you afraid of, and why? First, understand this. There are three levels of fears:
Level 1 fears: these are surface stories. Some are facts, like aging, natural disasters, financial disasters, change, etc and some require action like making decisions, moving jobs, etc.
Level 2 fears: about the ego, our inner state of mind. We can want to protect ourselves from feeling these things, which can limit our thinking and actions, making the world smaller. E.g. rejection, failure, disapproval, success, being vulnerable, helplessness…
Level 3 fears: this is the only real fear. At the bottom of all Level 1 and 2 fears is the fear that we cannot handle whatever life may bring to us. E.g. I cant handle [insert all level 1 and level 2 fears] e.g. aging, failure, ending relationships, change……
“If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what could you possibly have to fear?” From this moment we remind ourselves that every time we feel afraid, it is because we don’t feel good enough about ourselves.
- Fear is never going to go away. The only way to get rid of fear of doing something is to go out and do it. No one is unafraid, We will always feel fear when we’re on unfamiliar territory, but so will everyone else. Taking action is the only remedy.
- Because fear never goes away, it is how we hold the fear that transforms our lives. If we take action against fear, we hold a position of power: choice, energy, action but if we don’t take action against our fears, we hold a position of pain: helplessness, depression, paralysis. Each day, we have to choose to fight our small and big fears and we need to support ourselves at the start of every single day, to build our self-worth.
- Whether we want it or not, it is ours. We are the cause of our reactions to everything that happens to us. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean blaming ourselves. We need to be aware of “what am I not doing in my life that I blaming X for not doing it for me?”. It does mean handling the Chatterbox in our heads that can herald “doom, lack and losing”. Identify the “pay offs” that are keeping us stuck.
- It is important to become a positive thinker and to recognise this takes active practice. We have been taught that negative = realistic and positive = unrealistic. This is not factually correct! We have to train ourselves to stop negative thoughts/fears from taking our power. This is not about denial – pain will always be part of our lives – but real positive thinking allows our fears to flow, knowing that we can get to the other side of pain.
- Others around us may, because of their own fears, try and stop us growing. Cultivate a motivated, resilient and inspirational support group. Believe that our mate wants the best for us and will love positive changes in us.
- Making a “wrong” decision is often our biggest fear – shift to “no lose” decision making, it feels better! Each path is strewn with opportunities no matter the outcome: if something happens and it doesn’t work out, we know we can handle it. And “handling it” increases our self-esteem. Also, lighten up – little is actually life or death.
- Say Yes to positive action, even in painful situations. This means acting on the belief we can create meaning or purpose with whatever life throws at us: we can handle it.
- We have a Higher Self within us, as well as a Chatterbox. Each gives us different experiences. We need to train our Conscious Mind to listen to our Higher Self, as our Chatterbox may interfere. Why choose to be right instead of happy, when there is no way to be right?
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